On my drive home today I was remembering how things were almost 4 years ago when the 1st estrangement was going on for a very long time and how I had found a way to enjoy my life thinking I would probably never see my adult child again, then came a call that changed everything. For almost the last 4 years we had contact again. Sadly that has changed again and I am on a type of roller coaster between anger and sadness. Working on acceptance with a hope that one day this will change for the better. And also realizing it's important to take good care of myself as well . Thank you for your open heart and insight 💜
Paula, what you’re describing unfortunately is a very real part of this experience for many parents and the feeling of finally finding some peace, only to be pulled back into the uncertainty again. That kind of emotional whiplash can bring up anger, sadness, and everything in between.
The fact that you were able to find a way to enjoy your life during that first long period of estrangement says something important about your resilience. That capacity to reconnect with your life is still there, even in the middle of this new wave of grief.
One thing I try to encourage parents to hold onto is hopeful optimism — not forcing an outcome, but not letting the mind settle into the story that the door is permanently closed either. Our minds can easily move into “I must have ruined everything,” or “they’re gone forever,” and when we live inside those thoughts they can quietly start shaping our reality.
You’re not alone in navigating this. Many people here are walking very similar terrain, learning how to stay grounded and reclaim themselves even while the relationship itself remains uncertain.
If it helps, I shared a bit about my own path back to reunion in the post below. Sometimes hearing another perspective can make the road feel a little less lonely.
Thank you, Lisa. This really helped including the link you offered. I will revisit again as I need to start my day to get ready for work. Your kindness and love are much appreciated. Wishing you a blessed day 💛
This piece resonated with me on a cellular level. As a mother and grandmother currently living in that 'dark abyss' of estrangement, I have felt that shattering of identity. We spend so much time trying to fix the 'puzzle' of the relationship, thinking that if we just find the right piece or write the right letter, the pain will stop. I sat in front of my computer with my email on the screen rewriting and erasing over and over for years. No more.
You've pointed out a hard truth: the work isn't just about the 'them' we lost; it's about the 'us' we lost. The idea that we use 'motion'—the errands, the gardening, the research—to guard ourselves against the vulnerability of the heart is a powerful realization. It’s a reminder that beneath the role of 'Mother' or 'Protector' is a Divine Self that doesn't depend on anyone else's validation to exist. I think in order to recover we need to shift the focus to reclaiming the those lost parts of ourselves. Sending love to you on your journey. <3
Thank you for sharing this so openly. What you described, sitting in front of the screen rewriting and erasing, searching for the one message that might fix everything, is something so many parents quietly live through. That loop of trying to solve the puzzle can consume years of our lives.
Your insight is profound: the work isn’t only about the “them” we lost, but about the parts of ourselves we lost along the way.
And as painful as estrangement can be, it does something few other experiences do… it strips away the roles we built our identity around and asks a deeper question: Who am I beneath all of that?
In many ways, this is the threshold into the wisdom phase of life, when the identities we carried begin to fall away and something deeper begins to emerge.
The courage to turn inward and reclaim those lost parts of ourselves is not easy work, but it is sacred work. And every time someone names that truth the way you just did, it helps others feel a little less alone on the path.
If this reflection resonates with you, you’re very welcome here. Many in this space are walking that same return to themselves.
Thank you, Lisa. There is such profound peace in being 'seen' in this sacred work. I am so grateful to be in this space with you, and with all of us returning to ourselves. Much love.
Thank you for this post and opportunity to share this with people we are currently ministering too, tremendous message of encouragement and Hope
Troy & Susie
Thank you, Lisa
On my drive home today I was remembering how things were almost 4 years ago when the 1st estrangement was going on for a very long time and how I had found a way to enjoy my life thinking I would probably never see my adult child again, then came a call that changed everything. For almost the last 4 years we had contact again. Sadly that has changed again and I am on a type of roller coaster between anger and sadness. Working on acceptance with a hope that one day this will change for the better. And also realizing it's important to take good care of myself as well . Thank you for your open heart and insight 💜
Paula, what you’re describing unfortunately is a very real part of this experience for many parents and the feeling of finally finding some peace, only to be pulled back into the uncertainty again. That kind of emotional whiplash can bring up anger, sadness, and everything in between.
The fact that you were able to find a way to enjoy your life during that first long period of estrangement says something important about your resilience. That capacity to reconnect with your life is still there, even in the middle of this new wave of grief.
One thing I try to encourage parents to hold onto is hopeful optimism — not forcing an outcome, but not letting the mind settle into the story that the door is permanently closed either. Our minds can easily move into “I must have ruined everything,” or “they’re gone forever,” and when we live inside those thoughts they can quietly start shaping our reality.
You’re not alone in navigating this. Many people here are walking very similar terrain, learning how to stay grounded and reclaim themselves even while the relationship itself remains uncertain.
If it helps, I shared a bit about my own path back to reunion in the post below. Sometimes hearing another perspective can make the road feel a little less lonely.
Sending you steadiness and encouragement as you find your footing again. https://estrangednetwork.substack.com/p/estrangement-reunions-the-truth-no
Thank you, Lisa. This really helped including the link you offered. I will revisit again as I need to start my day to get ready for work. Your kindness and love are much appreciated. Wishing you a blessed day 💛
Thank you Paula, I appreciate you.
This piece resonated with me on a cellular level. As a mother and grandmother currently living in that 'dark abyss' of estrangement, I have felt that shattering of identity. We spend so much time trying to fix the 'puzzle' of the relationship, thinking that if we just find the right piece or write the right letter, the pain will stop. I sat in front of my computer with my email on the screen rewriting and erasing over and over for years. No more.
You've pointed out a hard truth: the work isn't just about the 'them' we lost; it's about the 'us' we lost. The idea that we use 'motion'—the errands, the gardening, the research—to guard ourselves against the vulnerability of the heart is a powerful realization. It’s a reminder that beneath the role of 'Mother' or 'Protector' is a Divine Self that doesn't depend on anyone else's validation to exist. I think in order to recover we need to shift the focus to reclaiming the those lost parts of ourselves. Sending love to you on your journey. <3
Thank you for sharing this so openly. What you described, sitting in front of the screen rewriting and erasing, searching for the one message that might fix everything, is something so many parents quietly live through. That loop of trying to solve the puzzle can consume years of our lives.
Your insight is profound: the work isn’t only about the “them” we lost, but about the parts of ourselves we lost along the way.
And as painful as estrangement can be, it does something few other experiences do… it strips away the roles we built our identity around and asks a deeper question: Who am I beneath all of that?
In many ways, this is the threshold into the wisdom phase of life, when the identities we carried begin to fall away and something deeper begins to emerge.
The courage to turn inward and reclaim those lost parts of ourselves is not easy work, but it is sacred work. And every time someone names that truth the way you just did, it helps others feel a little less alone on the path.
If this reflection resonates with you, you’re very welcome here. Many in this space are walking that same return to themselves.
Sending love right back to you. 🤍
Thank you, Lisa. There is such profound peace in being 'seen' in this sacred work. I am so grateful to be in this space with you, and with all of us returning to ourselves. Much love.
Thank you for sharing this truth, such a blessing of hope.
I will use this to bring Hope to those that we are currently encouraging to lean into the faithfulness of God for peace & strength,