Insightful. I believe this is a core issue in estrangement, and your compassionate explanation is appreciated. As other writers have noted, capacity is more like a muscle and less like a bone. It can be exercised and grown. Low capacity is not automatically a pathological condition. A person with low capacity is usually unaware that they are failing to meet the other. They are confused about, or even oblivious to, the dynamic. If the child stops reaching out to seek what they aren't receiving, it puts the parent in a double-blind, so to speak. The parent continues to not realize their own capacity shortage; they have no idea that the child is suffering because the child has learned not to express their needs. Most children would be unable to express this sort of problem, as it is extremely nuanced and complex. A parent lacking emotional capacity can't see this aspect of themselves because, as you state here, it was not given to them.
Beautifully expressed and on the mark. This is also the reason and motivator to turn towards that self within and attune to her/him as he feels, experiences, relives, is triggered, and all the aspects of us that were unmet, not attuned with...it is a life practice. Worth, value, expressed in relationship with oneself, grounded yet open to our own needs.
Thank you
Insightful. I believe this is a core issue in estrangement, and your compassionate explanation is appreciated. As other writers have noted, capacity is more like a muscle and less like a bone. It can be exercised and grown. Low capacity is not automatically a pathological condition. A person with low capacity is usually unaware that they are failing to meet the other. They are confused about, or even oblivious to, the dynamic. If the child stops reaching out to seek what they aren't receiving, it puts the parent in a double-blind, so to speak. The parent continues to not realize their own capacity shortage; they have no idea that the child is suffering because the child has learned not to express their needs. Most children would be unable to express this sort of problem, as it is extremely nuanced and complex. A parent lacking emotional capacity can't see this aspect of themselves because, as you state here, it was not given to them.
Said perfectly Marra… Thank you for capturing this so thoughtfully.
Beautifully expressed and on the mark. This is also the reason and motivator to turn towards that self within and attune to her/him as he feels, experiences, relives, is triggered, and all the aspects of us that were unmet, not attuned with...it is a life practice. Worth, value, expressed in relationship with oneself, grounded yet open to our own needs.
You’ve captured this perfectly. Thank you Susan - always great insight.