The Mirror Between Us
What if the person you’re estranged from is saying and feeling the exact same thing as you?
Hello Brave Soul,
The Same Pain, Different Corners
Every day, I read the words - different forums, different audiences, but the same pain.
One group is full of adult children. The other, parents. Both estranged. Both heartbroken. And both convinced they are the ones who were left bleeding on the floor.
Each group believes they are protecting themselves from harm. Each group is certain the other side is blind to the truth. And each group, unknowingly, is saying the exact same thing.
“No contact was the only way to protect myself.”
“I had to walk away to survive.”
“They were toxic. They’ll never change.”
“My therapist said this was abuse.”
“I’ve done the work - they haven’t.”
“They’ve been brainwashed.”
“I just want peace.”
It doesn’t matter which side you’re on. Read those quotes again. They show up in every corner of this estrangement world - just wearing different faces.
We speak these words like armor. We pass them around in comment sections like communion. And we don’t notice that while we are swallowing the pain, we’re also feeding the divide.
It’s Not a Wall - It’s a Mirror
What we often miss is that our pain is the same.
The betrayal, the confusion, the desperate grasp for answers - mirrored.
You say they ghosted you.
They say you never really saw them.
You say they’re rewriting history.
They say you never owned yours.
You say you were a good parent.
They say they were an innocent child.
And maybe… both things are true.
Estrangement isn’t just a wound. It’s a system. A closed-loop of pain, silence, and stories that reinforce themselves. The more you stay in your corner - surrounded by others echoing the same narrative - the harder it becomes to see the person on the other side as human.
That’s how we lose each other for good.
Be careful not to dehumanize people you disagree with.
In our self-righteousness, we can easily become the very things we dislike in others.
The Hardest Truth
And maybe that’s the hardest part to admit:
Not just that they hurt you…
but that you might be hurting them back
by staying stuck in the same story -
refusing to look in the mirror
long enough to see your own face in theirs.
I’m not here to tell you to reconcile.
Some doors really do need to stay closed. Some people really aren’t safe.
But if you’re still reading, chances are you're not here to build a wall -
you're here because something in you wonders if there’s still a thread to hold.
This Is What Healing Actually Means
If you want peace, you can’t just wait for them to change.
You have to change the way you see them - and yourself.
Otherwise, you’re not healing. You’re just hardening.
Estrangement is real. So is the pain of separation.
But so is the possibility that you’re not the only one hurting.
We all look into the mirror and want to believe we’re the wounded one.
But healing starts when you realize -
the person on the other side is staring back with the same broken heart.
A Mother's Day Note - From Both Sides of the Mirror
Today is May 11th, 2025. It’s Mother’s Day. A holiday that feels tender, or hollow, or complicated - depending on where you're standing.
But here’s something I know:
To a mom, every day is Mother’s Day.
Not because she wants flowers or cards… but because she remembers the day you were born.
She holds it in her soul.
She carries it even when you don’t speak.
Even if she got it wrong.
Even if she couldn’t see you the way you needed.
Even if you had to walk away.
And if you’re a parent estranged from your child, you remember too.
The day they were born.
The first laugh.
The sound of their shoes running down the hall.
You carry it like a breath.
Even now.
Especially now.
So if these words opened something in you - a pause, a recognition, a softening - share it with them.
Not as a weapon. Not as a guilt trip. But as a mirror.
“I see myself in you.
I don’t want to keep making each other the enemy.
Maybe we’re both still hurting in the same ways.”
Sometimes healing doesn’t begin with a solution.
Sometimes it begins with just a little willingness to look in the mirror and see the reflection.
And maybe today… that’s enough.
✦ Reflect ✦ Share ✦ Open Your Heart
My sweet friend,
I’ve been where you are as a daughter and as a mother.
Can you allow yourself to soften?
Can you see your situation differently?
Have you ever caught yourself using these same words - and hearing them from the other side?
You’re invited to share this with them. (I’ll tell you how below).
We don’t need to agree on everything.
But we do need to recognize ourselves in each other, and perhaps, just maybe, we can move Beyond The Silence.
As a mother and a daughter I am with you on this journey,
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Thanks for sharing my post Judi :-)